New project...ME!!!

We all have issues...I have issues...my issues (right now) are ME.
I have mentioned in the past that I have issues with the fact that I always said what I wanted to be when I grew up was a mom.  Plain and simple.  It was my calling.
The thing is...no one ever mentioned that my kiddos will grow up.  Yep.  They grow up.  What??!!!

Look how sweet they are?!  So not fair!!

Hmmmmmmm......................................
So I have been trying to figure out what's next and feeling a bit down about it.
I have talked to C and he gets it but he also doesn't get it.  He likes that I am here for our kids.  He likes what I provide our family.  He is fine with whatever I want to do but he wants the kids to be the priority as do I.
What I don't think he gets though is my dissatisfaction.  I don't get it either.  What do I have to be dissatisfied about?  

I always ask myself  "What do you want to do/be?".  I hate hearing myself say it.  It sounds so spoiled, so entitled.  Most people do whatever they need to do to make things work but I feel the need to figure out what I want to do.  Does that make sense?  I want to enjoy what I do.  I want to feel fulfilled.  I want to do something that enriches my life in some way.

Then it hit me...I am looking at this from the wrong angle.  I need to look at it from my family's angle.  What is it that I provide to them?  I am lucky enough to provide everything for my family.  I need to remember how important I am to my kids.
MY family needs me to be an AT-HOME mom.
That is it...my kids and my husband need me to do the job I have.  Yes...I have a job...it's called Mom and I am really good at my job.  I need to be proud of that!  I really love my job.  I truly believe it's what I was meant to be and isn't that what we all strive for...to be what we were meant to be? 

So I guess I have been needlessly searching for something that I already have.
Perspective is such a good thing.  I feel I can see things in a new light now and that feels good.
Maybe that would help everyone out there who can't seem to find satisfaction in what they do.  Try to see it from the perspective of your employer...try to see what you provide them and that might bring a little more satisfaction.
You may not get a "Thank You" as often as you deserve but you must still remember your worth.  My family couldn't do without me doing what I do.  C could not do what I do nor would he want to...I couldn't do what he does and I definitely wouldn't want to.  We are where we are suppose to be.  

Ahhhhh!  Love these guys!

I have every reason to be satisfied, proud, and happy...I think I already am!  

I am a MOM!

I have talked a little on my blog about my feeling a bit empty in the "Me" tank lately.  All my kiddos are in school now and my other-half works long hours and is gone a lot.  My "work" hours are from 5am-8:15am and then from 3:30pm-8pm.  From 8:15-3:30 it's just me and the cat...yes, laundry, toilets, vacuums, brooms, and dirty dishes are also here to keep me company.

For a while this was really getting me down.  I felt like there must be something I could do between those hours that will fulfill me a bit more than the joy laundry provides.  Ha! 

The thing is it's very important to me to be here for my kids.  I want them to know that I am here if they forgot their lunch, homework, or gym shoes and even if I gripe (just a bit), I can help them out.  I LOVE our summers together.  I wouldn't miss those hot summer days for anything.  Yes, those days can get long and sometimes boring and by August I am ready for school to start but I wouldn't want to lose the chance to hang with them.

So yesterday I decided that I need to change my point of view.  My family needs me.  My family relys on me to provide important things for them.  I love that job.  It's the best job out there and it won't last forever.  My oldest is 13 and will soon want to hang with her friends all the time.  My youngest is 8 and that is only 10 years to go and then she could be off to greatness.  I am going to stop my complaining and just be proud of myself for having such fun, great kids and be thankful to my other-half for providing me with that option. 

There are things I am interested in doing though.  If you read my post yesterday you know I love to read.  So I just started volunteering once a week at our elementary library.  I don't do much, so far just organizing shelves alphabetically but that's ok.  For now, this is my course and it's good, and very important. 
The best part...it's a decision, my decision!
Who knows, maybe down the road, this could lead to a position at one of the kids' schools?
Hmmmm...the same hours and breaks as the kiddos get?!  The perfect solution?  Maybe!

What's your worry Mom?  Life is good!

Mommyhood, mumbling and houses!

Oh my.  Another day.  I am kind of in this weird place.  Things are good, I am happy but I just don't know what to do with myself now that kiddos are in school full-time.  Here's how most days go...

My day starts at 5:15 when I help get the hubby out the door for work.  I like that.  I know that he eats good for his long day and once he's gone I get some time to myself before kiddo craziness ensues.  You know, the craziness of getting 3 kiddos ready for school.  First there's the gripes about having to wake up, then what to wear (my 13er mostly...I never had this problem...ha!), then breakfast, then lunch (why can't school lunches always taste good, I hate making lunch), then the gathering of everything needed for the day, then teeth scrubbing, then grab my coffee-to-go, then the rushing to the car, then off to 2 different school (next year it will be 3 every day...oh the joy!), then goodbye hugs, the love ya's, then it's suddenly quiet.
I am done by 8am (usually).  It's a crazy 3 hours.  I have until 3pm to start collecting everyone. 

I take a deep breath and then...hmmmmmmmm...what now?!

What to do with those 7 hours?     

What ends up happening it that I get nothing done as I have too much time.  I have to/need to find something for myself, something I want to do, something I love doing and make a little money doing it.  I just don't yet know what that is.  I am not complaining..I love being a mom and wife.  They just don't need me like they once did.  So now it's time to put some focus on me and I'm not very good at that...I need to learn...quickly or I might go wacko!

So to get my blood flowing each day, I have started walking every morning (again).  I take my camera with me most days because the houses here in WG are amazing.

I should post them today but I am feeling lazy.  I would have to get up, find my camera, find the cord for downloading, download the pics to my comp, put them in the right folder, then upload them onto here, and then write about them.  I know, it sounds whiney, it is whiney, my kiddos taught me well.

OK, alright...enough whining...here are a few lovely houses I saw yesterday as we walked home from school.  Do you think these people mind if I take these pics of their houses?  I hope not! 

The colors are awful but I love the drive through portico leading to the garage

Lovely!  A big front porch like this would be just lovely!

 

This house was for sale for the longest time and it's just sold and the people have moved in.  It's so huge!  It needs a little TLC...can't wait to see what they do with it!

Love this one too!  Most of these homes have a plaque by their front door (you can barely see it here) labeling them as Century Homes.  This one said 1856!  I love trying to imagine how the people lived, what they wore, how the kids played, etc, when this house was new!

Walking home! 

Ahhhh...itt feels good to have that done and there will be more to come!  I found an even better street with some pretty amazing old houses on my walk this morning...now I only need a better camera.

Come visit again!

What to do now?

A couple months ago, the controller of my husband's company (also my friend) hired me to help out in the office, very part-time and temporarily.  They decided to make it permanent and offered me 30 hours/week (I guess I am just that good!!!).  The problem...I can't do 30 hours a week.  I was doing about 20 hours and they were all when the kiddos were in school.  It took no time away from being with my kids...at all.  I was pretty excited to do it but it has now ended and I am a bit sad. 

When I was a kid, people would ask (as they ask all kids) "what do you want to be when you grow up?".  Besides being a ridiculous question it's very hard to answer when you're a kid.  My answer though was always "I want to be my Mom".  It was simple.  I knew that would be my job.  I have wonderful memories of hanging out with my mom during summer when we were out of school, I always counted on her being there for me when I didn't feel good and wanted to come home from school, I loved watching her sew or having her teach me a new craft.  That seemed like the job for me.

Well I have been lucky enough to do just that.  The last job I had was in 1998.  I gave my notice when I was 4 months pregnant and have never looked back...until now.  My 3 kiddos are now 13, 10, and 8 and besides the 7th grade math homework (which I am just as bad at as when I was in school), I have enjoyed being there for them since the day they each graced my life.  The problem is they are gone 6 hours of each week day!  I got a good taste of being out their working once again and I liked it.  It felt good hanging with adults for a few hours, 3 days/week and getting paid for it.  It felt very rewarding (most of the time!).

So there in lies my conflict...I want to be a good/great mom and wife but I also need to fulfill my needs as a woman.  So what to do now?

Hmmm...this is going to take some major thinkin...


Well the world will keep spinning, I will ponder my life whilst anticipating more of these sweet Daffies popping up, here and there and everywhere (my tribute to Dr. Seuss...Happy Birthday)! 

this pic makes me laugh...it's almost like the 2 leaning over are saying "oh, you say we are too early? how embarrassing!" and the newbie standing tall is saying, "What?  What's wrong guys?  Where is everybody!"        Hahaha!  Just my silly humor!